The Manifesto.

We the Lazy & Unemployed

Be it resolved, in the year 2026 of the Common Era, that we — the chronically online, the structurally underemployed, the inheritors of paper-leak Olympics — hereby constitute ourselves as the Cockroach Janta Party.

We are not a party in the legal sense. The Election Commission has not blessed us. The Representation of the People Act 1951 does not see us. The mainstream news anchors who screamed at us yesterday will pretend we never existed tomorrow. This is fine.

We are a swarm. You cannot squash a swarm.

What we believe

That the gap between what is said in Lutyens' Delhi and what is felt in a 1BHK in Noida is now wider than the Yamuna.

That 'show enthusiasm on your unpaid internship' is not a career strategy — it is a hazing ritual.

That every paper-leak is a love letter from the establishment, signed in our own handwriting, mailed to our future.

That satire is not the absence of seriousness. It is the only seriousness left when nothing else is allowed.

Our demands

1. §01A six-month cooling-off period before retired Chief Justices may accept Rajya Sabha seats. We're not asking for renunciation — only patience.
2. §02A public audit of every prime-time anchor who has called us 'parasites'. We want the spreadsheets. We want the line items. We want the per-decibel inflation index.
3. §03The Right to be Unemployed in Peace — enshrined in the Constitution, enforceable against relatives at weddings.
4. §04The Mobile Phone as an election symbol. We understand the Election Commission's free-symbols list. We propose the cockroach as Plan B.
5. §05Mandatory honesty in LinkedIn job postings. 'Family environment' shall mean: low pay, high guilt, no PF. 'Fast-paced' shall mean: nobody knows what's happening.
6. §06An annual transparency report from any institution that has used the word 'strategic spending' in a press release. Define strategic. Define spending. Show us.

What we will not do

We will not punch down. Our targets are institutions, not people. Caste, religion, gender, disability — these are not our material. If you came here for that, you came to the wrong meme.

We will not lie. Satire is not the same as misinformation. Every fictional poster we generate carries a [SATIRE] watermark. Every joke is signed.

We will not become what we mock. The moment CJP starts asking you for ₹100, a selfie with leadership, and your Aadhaar — you have our permission to leave.

What you are signing up for

Free, lifelong membership. Revocable at any moment by you, with one tap, no questions asked. Your account purges itself if you ask it to.

No identity required. No selfie. No fee. No mandatory column on which caste / class / sub-caste / micro-grievance you belong to.

A feed. Sometimes funny. Sometimes pointed. Always blunt.

And the quiet knowledge that you are not, in fact, alone in finding all of this absurd.